Well, after one really hard, long, drawn-out decision….it’s time to come home. I say my final “goodbye” to the great state of New Mexico tomorrow at 7am.
This is my farewell to the Land of Enchantment (New Mexico) and to the City of Vision (Rio Rancho) and it goes a little something like this….
Is it weird that I don’t really know what to say or how to start this?
I could jabber on about my decision and why I’m doing this, but I feel most of you already know the answer to that from my previous posts. Ultimately I just can’t handle being out here anymore. I miss my family and friends too much. I think it really says something when you sit at home on the weekends and find yourself starring at the walls and wishing it was a workday. Wtf is my problem?…oh yeah, I have NO ONE out here. So the time has come…I need my life back. I’ve done all that I can to at least TRY to get happy, and I just feel like I am failing. I just knew something wasn’t right when I started to cry every single day.
So instead of reflecting on my decision and why I’m doing this, I’m just going to write about my time in NM. The Land of Enchantment has been so amazing. I know it probably wasn’t my first pick of states to move to, but damn close enough. My dream since I was a little girl was to move out west and to be able to ski in the Rockies every weekend. I’m pretty sure I accomplished it, and I’m couldn’t be more proud of myself! Moving out to NM was the best decision I have ever made.
New Mexico, although not the greatest place to live, is so amazing. I think people underestimate its beauty. Did you know a high percentage of Americans don’t even know the location of New Mexico, let alone it’s even a state in the US? Kinda crazy, huh? New Mexico is such a beautiful place, the weather is amazing, the views are breathtaking, there is a lot to do and see, and a lot to take in. People usually think of NM is a barren desert and the only thing to do is chase rattlesnakes and play with the occasional cactus. That’s not it at all. Infact, one of the major quotes established with Albuquerque is “There’s a mountain here!”
I would love to share with you every single experience, every single thing I’ve learned, and every single major thing that has happened over the last two years…but there aren’t enough words to describe it and I’m sure you don’t care anyway.
I certainly do not have one single regret about this move. Sometimes I get the vibe that people think I absolutely hate it out here. That’s not it at all. I have no one to blame but myself for my actions and sometimes I only wish I would have done more to better my experience. Yes, there are a few things I should have changed, but overall, no regrets…that’s my motto….and, well you know the rest.
I also think some of my reasons for not putting myself out there and changing things are some of my experiences. I dealt with a shitty roommate who had our electric turned out twice and almost went to court with, I’ve been in a car wreck, I’ve had fraud and identity theft, the list goes on. Right when I moved, I had such an amazing string of luck and just got so caught up in the moment of everything going so well. That feeling slowly began to fade and now my luck has run dry. I’m not blaming “luck” on my reasoning either…I’m just sick of things not going my way and I think it was becoming emotionally draining. I also do not want people to think this was a quick last minute decision. I still can remember the day back in September when I called my dad crying telling him how bad I wanted to come home. This decision has been completely thought out and weighed in every direction seemingly possible. I have written everything down numerous times, talked it over with the rents, and even got opinions from close friends. In fact, I feel as if I’ve put way too much thought into this. So in the end, this decision was not easy, it took some time, and I can only hope that I am making the right one. If not, I’m in no mood to care right now. What’s done is done. I just want to be back home with the people who love me for who I am.
Not only has this move taught me so much about life, cultures, the west, work, and growing up…it has also taught me a lot about myself as a person. Again, I could go on about all the things I have learned, but I don’t want to bore you with my new visions of life and how I’ve grown up over the last 2 years. I will tell you this though…if you EVER come across the opportunity to do something this extravagant, please do it. Don’t give it any thought, just do it. Maybe you can see for yourself everything that I saw. I only wish and hope that people will do what they enjoy.
After this experience, I hate to see people take the easy way out and around things and only lead a mediocre life. Strive to be the best you can be at anything you want. Push yourself a little harder each day and do what is best for you. I know sometimes it’s difficult, but don’t worry about what other people think. Live life for yourself! Most importantly, do what makes YOU happy. It can tend to be a lot to overcome, but always look at the light at the end of the tunnel and ask yourself “what will be the best end result for me?” Living this on/off lifestyle out here has taught me so much about finding who I am and doing this that will benefit me and only me. I have completely stopped worrying about what other people think and have been doing things to benefit me and my results. I have to do what makes me happy first and foremost.
I also think a lot of times people look at their past and reflect on what they could have done better and why they didn’t change some of the things they did. I came to realize that the past is in the past….let it be. Sometimes you just have to let it go no matter what it takes. When you dwell on the past, it tends to only make your decisions harder and more drawn out. Look at the future and the now. Do things that will benefit you now and in the future. If you carry around the shadow of your past it can easily haunt you and cause you to make some wrong decisions. Look at it as a growing tool. I look my mistakes in the past as a healthy way to learn and grow. If I were to sit here and be aggravated at the fact that I had my ID stolen, I would probably be a mess. Instead I learned how to call the bank, talk to the correct people, takes things slow, understand and document everything, and get my money back in just a few simple steps. I know some things may sound bigger than they are, but they only seem that way if you make it that way. Get things taken care of while you can and you will learn and grow in ways you never thought were possible! Take my word for it and just strive to be the best person you can possibly be….you only live one!
Not only have I learned so much as a person, but I have also learned so much about my field and being a Graphic Designer. In all honesty…I think I have learned more at Bohannan Huston, than I did taking the dumb graphic courses at MSJ. I just remember sitting out in the lobby watching Cosby on the big screen, “pretending” to do our projects while in class. Yeah, who lets 3 girls sit out in the lobby instead of actually being in class? That’s right. I was so lucky working for BHI. They really do take care of their employees like you wouldn’t even believe. They are so updated on technology, software, and hardware. Our computers were always being updated with the best of the best. I am really sad to leave my job, and I asked my supervisor if I could just take my cubicle home and work from there, and he pretty much laughed at me. I took that as a big fat “no.” But oh well. It was a great experience and I couldn’t be luckier.
I have made one outstanding friend here in New Mexico and I can’t even begin to thank him enough for everything he has done for me. Adam, if you ever get the chance to read this…cheers, my friend! I love you to death, you have been such a great friend throughout all of my experiences and I can only hope our friendship does not end here. You have taught me so much about life and everything that comes with it. I know we’ve had our share of ups and downs, but I greatly take everything you share with me and put it in my pocket. I will never forget some of the amazing times we’ve shared such as skiing and boarding together, playing Wii (“nice on!”), watching every episode of Two and a Half Men, jamming to music, and just hanging out talking. I’ve learned so much from you, it’s unbelievable. I think I owe you a lot for having an impact on making me who I am today. I can’t thank you enough. You are such a great friend and I can’t wait for you to visit Cincinnati!
Well, this is it. I’ve said my goodbyes, and I must move forward in my life. New Mexico has been great and I’d be lying if I said I’m not going to miss it here. I’ve learned so much about my life and about me personally and I definitely don’t take one single thing back. I’ve been through so much over the last two years and I can only say I’ve grown from it all. I look forward to coming home and having a life with my family and friends again. I couldn’t be happier about my decision and am totally ready to BE BACK IN CINCINNATI!!