It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life for me…and I’m feeling good! January 14, 2009

Well,  I have finally come to a final decision:
I’m moving home.|

My dad and I have been corresponding via email for the past few days about my whole situation and weighing the options.
I, personally, have decided this is the best thing to do right now.  So as of March 1st, 2009…I will officially become a resident of Ohio again…and I couldn’t be more excited!
Although the job market isn’t at it’s best right now, I am willing to take any job that will pay the bills just so I can be home with my friends and family. 
I am beginning to breakdown mentally and physically out here and not a day goes by where I don’t cry my eyes out…sometimes for no reason at all…simply just because I hate it out here.

I’d like to start off by saying living out here in Albuquerque, NM has been so amazing and I wouldn’t trade it for anything!!  I have grown up so much and have come to realize I’m not the shy teenager I used to be.  I’m no longer afraid to make dreaded phone calls to people I don’t know, I’m no longer afraid to ask questions at work, I’m no longer afraid to go places by myself, and I’m definitely no longer afraid to stand up for myself.  If you get the opportunity to move away from home…even if it’s for just a short period of time…DO IT.  You will learn so much about yourself and your surroundings.  I couldn’t be more proud of myself.  I never knew living on my own, 1300 miles away, would be so difficult.  But now that I’ve done it…I feel like I can accomplish anything on my own now…and I love that feeling!  There are so many things you don’t even think of….shopping for car insurance, hooking up wireless Internet, ordering cable tv, putting together all of your furniture, buying your first bed, repairing broken appliances, etc.  I never thought I would be able to do it…but it feels great to say that I am 25 years old and I have lived across the country for a full 2 years!!  What have you done today?

I very much appreciate everything my parents have done for me over the last two years.  They have stood by my side and supported me through everything!   I feel so blessed to have them in my life.  They have taught me so much, and if it weren’t for them…there would be no way I could have done this on my own.  I know they miss me as much as I miss them, but they are constantly telling me everything will be okay and I will get through this.  But the time has come, and I simply can’t get through it anymore.  This is why I love them…they are supporting me in whatever I decide to do.  It’s so great to know that I have parents who support my decisions 100%. 

I have been sitting on this decision since August when I called my dad crying on my way home from work telling him to drop everything and come get me.  I hadn’t thought it through completely and decided it wasn’t the right thing to do and that I was going to try to make it through one more ski season.  Well, the time has come, and I’m still in that same position.  I’m ready to come home.  Nothing has changed between then and now…and I think 4 months of feeling like that is a pretty good sign that it’s time for a change. 

One more important thing I’ve learned over the past 2 years….I am absolutely miserable without my friends and family.   I cannot function without the constant annoyance of my family.  I love them!  I miss not being there watching my twin sisters grow up.  I miss not being there for the birth of Peyton.  I miss not being there to see my sister graduate college.  I miss not being able to go to Wild Mike’s with mom every Wednesday. I miss Friday dinners at dad’s.  I miss not being able to call my friends and hang out whenever I want.  I miss Bengals games (sad to say).  I miss not being around for the building of my dad’s new house.  I miss crashing at the Strohman’s pool in the summer.  I miss Kcubed!  I’ve missed so much over the last two years and I’m simply done with it.  I have to be there, it’s a necessity in my life.

I think the hardest part in this whole decision making process is the possibility of being looked at as a failure.  At times, I feel like I should be stronger and stick this out as long as I can.  But I’m at the end of the road.  I just can’t take it anymore.  I’m to the point where I don’t care what people have to say about it anymore.  You cannot persuade me either way.  Although I don’t want to lets me parents down, I want them to be proud of me, but I also want them to realize how hard it is to be away from home for so long.  Moving away has definitely made me respect my home more than ever! 

I have laid out a budget of my money and my income and have come to realize that I can no longer afford to live out here anymore.  The money I was able to save living rent-free for the first 3 months I was here is now catching up to me.  I feel like a poor person saying this but I have learned to wash my dishes by hand, cut back on shampooing my hair, eating breakfast, not doing my laundry as often….all because I want my soaps, detergents, food, etc. to last me as long as possible.  I have even stooped down to buying a few articles of clothing at Wal-Mart, yes, Wal-Mart.  I HATE Wal-Mart!!  I’m not blaming anyone but myself for this bad mistake of handling my money poorly.  I was selfish last winter and went skiing almost every weekend not thinking of where I would end up a year later.  It was a mistake, I’m admitting it, and I’ve learned from this.  I need to manage my money better, and I think by moving home it will help.  I will not be paying $500 in rent every month, I will not be going on ski trips every weekend, I will not have to fly home to visit anymore, etc.  Just thinking about it changes my attitude and I couldn’t be more excited to start saving up for the more important things in life.

The lifestyle out here is definitely not for me.  This was a learning experience, and as I said before I have absolutely not one single regret about moving out here.  But I know now that I do not want to spend my life out here.  I most certainly do not want to start a family here, buy a house here, grow up here, or even buy my next car here.  My only tie to home has been my Ohio drivers license…as I refused to even get a New Mexico license.  Although I did manage to get New Mexico party plates that read “SKIBUM3.”  I’m done with the lifestyle here…Cincinnati called and wants me back.

The only thing that I’m really going to have to get used to about the initial move is moving back in with my parents and getting used to the crazy lifestyle again.  As much as I love my parents…I am dreading the move back in.  I’ve been so used to doing things to my leasure everyday of my life for 2 years…it will definitely almost be a culture shock.  I will also have to take it slow getting back into the lifestyle of my friends.  Just thinking about it is causing headaches.  Dinner, hanging out, going out, chatting and gossip, the drama, concerts, etc.  I have become so used to not having people around me on a daily basis.  I go to work, go to the gym, go home, and go to bed….just to do it all again the very next day.  I never really interact with people much out here…other than an occasional conversation at work or a chat with Adam at home.  I could easily go for 2 or 3 days straight without saying a single word to anyone.  I know it’s crazy, but it’s the truth.  I don’t want to live this life anymore!

I plan on putting in my two weeks notice on Thursday, Feb. 12.  Hopefully to be home by Sunday, March 1st…depending on dad’s schedule.  I am first going to ask my company if they will allow me to work from home via remote-desktop.  My company is very up-to-date with technology and will provide any kind of software and hardware to you to make your job easier.  But with the economy slowing, work has been scarce, and we have been slow.  Over the last 6 months we have lost almost 15-20 employees, the owners and co-owners have taken a 10% pay cut, we are no longer allowed to work over-time, and all travel budgets have been put to a stop.  With there only being 3 designers company-wide, I feel they should definitely allow me to work from home.  I will even take a pay-cut.  For the most part, I like what I do, and see no reason why I wouldn’t be able to do the same projects I do here in the office…at home, as long as I have the correct software and are able to connect via remote-desktop.  Half the time I sit here and read books or do Photoshop Tutorials anyway.

In the end, I have to do this for ME.  I have to do what makes myself happy.  Money and a good job doesn’t define “happiness,” and I can no longer go on living my life like this.  I have learned so much from my experience and would NEVER take any of it back.  It was the most exciting 2 years of my life and I’m ready to be back home because home is where the heart is.

I owe everything to my parents from putting up with my whining, to always being there when I have a question, to teaching me day to day things, for supporting my every decision, and most of all, for understanding who I am and making me who I am today!  I love you!  Just the thought of being back in the comfort of my own home brings tears to my eyes.  Bring on March, 1st!!!